The corona pandemic and the resultant crisis play out, many a Bollywood director will be seeing a great opportunity for a Bollywood blockbuster. So why should I miss the chance to become famous, a la Chetan Bhagat (remember 3 Idiots) ?
Here is sure-shot chartbuster story and screenplay.
The movie opens with the main villain (v1) in hospital with tubes running from all parts of his body, an ECG monitor going kuk kuk kuk, the graph just about showing signs of life and all kinds of fluids being injected into him. Even the most naive will know he is close to death. A doctor with a mask, gloves and a coat is intently watching the monitor. Just then the nurse brings in the blood report. The doctor reads the report and shakes his head. " Doctor saab, kya likha hai?", asks the villain's brother. "Inhe corona ho gaya hai! ", says the doctor gravely with fear in his eyes. He explains that v1 has a peculiar form of corona. It will kill him in 4 hours. So, to stay alive, he must keep taking glucose intravenously. "Corona ko har 4 ghante glucose khilana hoga, varna yeh tumhare bhai ko kha jayega". There is only one cure available. That is an aam papad (mango jelly) prepared by a Chinese physician of which only one piece remains. This piece lies in a vault in villain2's house which is guarded by 20 big dumb chaps with sticks and guns. v1 must eat this jelly to get cured.
The next scene opens with our hero. He is a poor chap, with only a mother and a sister. He sells aam papad for a living. "Lele..., aam papad lele.. ", he sings as he pushes his cart through the streets. The heroine works in a hosiery shop and buys aam papad from him every day. Note: What she does with aam papad every day is none of your business. But now we have common thread between the hero, heroine and the villain - aam papad.
Scene 3 is v1's lair. He has recovered now but still needs the glucose shots every 4 hours. "Maut mere sir par har 4 ghante mandarati hai. Yeh glucose ki botal meri zindagi hai", says v1 flashing the glucose bottle. " Mujhe woh aam papad chahiye jo v2 ne apne bolt me rakha hai", he continues. Note: He pronounces vault as bolt but that is his uniqueness. Now we have introduced the villain's motive and desperation.
Why is v1 a villain? Because he passes on the corona virus to his victims by spitting on his hands and shaking hands with them. His victims die in 4 hours. "4 ghante, sirf 4 ghante mein tum upar chale jaoge", he tells them. Of course, they don't know of the glucose treatment.
Scene 4 is a flashback going back 25 years. v1 and v2 are friends aged about 10. v1's father has the aam papad and shows it to v2's father. He tells him that a Chinese doctor gave it to him with the prophesy that it would save the world one day. v2's father kills him and runs off with the aam papad. As v1 tries to stop him, v2 punches him in the face and escapes with his father. Now you know why v1 hates v2. "Usne mere muh pe mukka mara aur aam papad chura liya."
Now a twist in the plot. The heroine is v2's daughter who has left home as she does not like his bad ways.
One more twist. Our hero is actually a police officer in disguise. He is on a mission to get the aam papad as the government wants it to save the nation from the impending crisis. The Health Minister has told him, "Sirf woh aam papad hi ab desh ko bacha sakta hai." Now you may be wondering why the government cannot just send the police to get the aam papad from v2. Well, they cannot because he lives in Malaysia. Our hero must send him a message through one of his local goons that he has one more such aam papad. Then v2 will come down to India with his aam papad for verification. The police can then catch him. Get the logic now?
Of course, there are many songs with stupid lyrics and even more stupid music. The hero runs around trees and the heroine, aam papad in hand.
One more twist. v1 kidnaps the hero's mother and sister and asks him to steal the aam papad from v2.
And if you are wondering what relation the title has to the plot, our hero takes a vow, "Corona ki kasam, mai us v1 ko maarkar apni maa aur behan ko bacha lunga."
In the climax, the hero steals the aam papad from v2 and hides it in his aam papad cart. v1 is there to receive it. Our hero gives v1 an aam papad from his cart. v1 thinks it is the real aam papad and stops taking glucose. He dies. But not before killing v2.
Ending 1:
As the clock ticks away, our hero runs with the aam papad to the health ministry where he dissolves it in the water supply and saves the nation. The health minister claps.
Ending 2:
Ending 1 seems a bit tame for a Bollywood movie. So I thought of this new climax.
After getting the aam papad (in Hyderabad) our hero needs to travel to Cochin. Why Cochin? Because the whole country is in danger of being affected by the corona virus and the only way to save the WHOLE country is to get to Cochin. How Cochin holds the key is part of the suspense!
Our hero's immediate task is to get to Delhi from Hyderabad. So he drives a car at breakneck speed. V1's henchmen chase him and throw bombs at his car. He catches a couple of the bombs and throws them back. Most of the bad guys are killed (in slow motion, as the bombs explode and their cars are hurled 50 feet into the air and slowly rotate as they fall down). But one of the bombs thrown by one of v1's henchmen explodes near our hero's car (in Nagpur - as one can make out from the "Nagpur Railway Station" board). The car is badly damaged and our hero is thrown out, injured but safe. He limps, to show he is injured. Now how does he get to Delhi? Read on...
A motorcyclist is conveniently urinating by the roadside, his bike parked nearby with the key. Our hero takes the bike. (This is how every hero in a Bollywood movie gets a bike. If it is the villain, he will knock down the rider and take the bike. There is no other method allowed.) Now our hero speeds towards Delhi on the bike, followed by two of v1's closest associates. Cross country, over the hills, across lakes and through towns and villages. The audience gets a Bharat darshan. Of course, there are many people who rush to safety every now and then, carts get overturned and a child stands helplessly in the way. Always one child only, crying. Our hero scoops up the child with one hand, carries him away to safety, slows down and hands him over to his distraught mother who blesses him. Armed with the mother's blessing, he continues.
One of the chasers shoots the tyre of the bike and our hero falls and rolls. This happens near Agra. The camera shows a glimpse of the Taj and a "Agra Nagarpalika aapka swagat karti hai" board. A horse cart, loaded with vegetables, is waiting for him, the farmer owner turned the other way and calling someone. Our hero takes off. He throws the vegetables one by one at the two villains. One falls down. The last fellow continues to give chase. The hero's cart hits a stone on the road and breaks. He jumps onto the horse. Now he makes full use of the 1HP vehicle. The harder he pulls on the stirrups, the faster the horse goes. As he reaches the Delhi airforce base, the poor horse collapses with a loud neigh. His feet are worn down to his knees. Our hero gets off the horse, caresses it, closes its eyes (yes, this is a must) and gives it a kiss. All this while the last villain is waiting patiently. He can attack only when the hero is ready and has his attention turned to him. But the death of the horse, enrages our hero. With a loud roar, he runs towards the villain and kicks him. The villain goes flying back to Hyderabad and his body lands next to v1's.
Now we reveal why the hero had to reach Delhi from Hyderabad to get to Cochin. Because the Prime minister and the Home minister are waiting for him there. He needs their blessings. The Air Force chief hands him a Rafale (yes, we have it by then and even if we do not have it, it doesn't matter. It is the hero's privilege).
Our hero now flies the Rafale jet to Cochin. He is chased by v2's brother in a helicopter who shoots at him with a pistol. After dodging the bullets all the way to Cochin, our hero fires a missile at the helicopter, thus finishing off all the villains. By now you must be dying to know why Cochin? Because the aam papad grains must be distributed all over India. The only way to do this is by mixing them with the clouds over Cochin and the south-west monsoon will carry them to all parts of the country (remember your school science?) But how does one convert an aam papad into grains? Simple. Our hero opens the cockpit and throws the aam papad up in the air. The he dives, does a loop-the-loop and fires a missile at the teeny-weeny bit of aam papad from a distance of 2 km. The explosion shatters the aam papad into micro bits and the clouds carry them away.
The next scene shows heavy rains in different parts of the country and the grateful citizens standing in the rain, wet and thanking the hero.
The last and closing scene shows our hero landing in Cochin and the heroine running into his arms. How she came to be in Cochin is none of your business and is worth another 3-hour movie.
Note: The hero can be named Raju, Vijay or Rahul. It should be a short name. Short enough for the villain to call out before dying - "Vijay... ". Can you imagine him saying "Krishna Prasada Venkatesa Gowriputra Ramachandra Chella Gowda?"
Do you think all this is bull....? Well, just click the links given below and read the news items.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theweek.in/news/entertainment/2020/03/17/corona-pyaar-hai-bollywood-producers-rush-to-register-coronavirus-titles.amp.html
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.indiatvnews.com/amp/entertainment/news/corona-pyaar-hai-to-deadly-corona-filmmakers-rush-to-register-corona-in-their-movie-titles-598577
Note: I own the full rights to this story and screenplay.
Here is sure-shot chartbuster story and screenplay.
The movie opens with the main villain (v1) in hospital with tubes running from all parts of his body, an ECG monitor going kuk kuk kuk, the graph just about showing signs of life and all kinds of fluids being injected into him. Even the most naive will know he is close to death. A doctor with a mask, gloves and a coat is intently watching the monitor. Just then the nurse brings in the blood report. The doctor reads the report and shakes his head. " Doctor saab, kya likha hai?", asks the villain's brother. "Inhe corona ho gaya hai! ", says the doctor gravely with fear in his eyes. He explains that v1 has a peculiar form of corona. It will kill him in 4 hours. So, to stay alive, he must keep taking glucose intravenously. "Corona ko har 4 ghante glucose khilana hoga, varna yeh tumhare bhai ko kha jayega". There is only one cure available. That is an aam papad (mango jelly) prepared by a Chinese physician of which only one piece remains. This piece lies in a vault in villain2's house which is guarded by 20 big dumb chaps with sticks and guns. v1 must eat this jelly to get cured.
The next scene opens with our hero. He is a poor chap, with only a mother and a sister. He sells aam papad for a living. "Lele..., aam papad lele.. ", he sings as he pushes his cart through the streets. The heroine works in a hosiery shop and buys aam papad from him every day. Note: What she does with aam papad every day is none of your business. But now we have common thread between the hero, heroine and the villain - aam papad.
Scene 3 is v1's lair. He has recovered now but still needs the glucose shots every 4 hours. "Maut mere sir par har 4 ghante mandarati hai. Yeh glucose ki botal meri zindagi hai", says v1 flashing the glucose bottle. " Mujhe woh aam papad chahiye jo v2 ne apne bolt me rakha hai", he continues. Note: He pronounces vault as bolt but that is his uniqueness. Now we have introduced the villain's motive and desperation.
Why is v1 a villain? Because he passes on the corona virus to his victims by spitting on his hands and shaking hands with them. His victims die in 4 hours. "4 ghante, sirf 4 ghante mein tum upar chale jaoge", he tells them. Of course, they don't know of the glucose treatment.
Scene 4 is a flashback going back 25 years. v1 and v2 are friends aged about 10. v1's father has the aam papad and shows it to v2's father. He tells him that a Chinese doctor gave it to him with the prophesy that it would save the world one day. v2's father kills him and runs off with the aam papad. As v1 tries to stop him, v2 punches him in the face and escapes with his father. Now you know why v1 hates v2. "Usne mere muh pe mukka mara aur aam papad chura liya."
Now a twist in the plot. The heroine is v2's daughter who has left home as she does not like his bad ways.
One more twist. Our hero is actually a police officer in disguise. He is on a mission to get the aam papad as the government wants it to save the nation from the impending crisis. The Health Minister has told him, "Sirf woh aam papad hi ab desh ko bacha sakta hai." Now you may be wondering why the government cannot just send the police to get the aam papad from v2. Well, they cannot because he lives in Malaysia. Our hero must send him a message through one of his local goons that he has one more such aam papad. Then v2 will come down to India with his aam papad for verification. The police can then catch him. Get the logic now?
Of course, there are many songs with stupid lyrics and even more stupid music. The hero runs around trees and the heroine, aam papad in hand.
One more twist. v1 kidnaps the hero's mother and sister and asks him to steal the aam papad from v2.
And if you are wondering what relation the title has to the plot, our hero takes a vow, "Corona ki kasam, mai us v1 ko maarkar apni maa aur behan ko bacha lunga."
In the climax, the hero steals the aam papad from v2 and hides it in his aam papad cart. v1 is there to receive it. Our hero gives v1 an aam papad from his cart. v1 thinks it is the real aam papad and stops taking glucose. He dies. But not before killing v2.
Ending 1:
As the clock ticks away, our hero runs with the aam papad to the health ministry where he dissolves it in the water supply and saves the nation. The health minister claps.
Ending 2:
Ending 1 seems a bit tame for a Bollywood movie. So I thought of this new climax.
After getting the aam papad (in Hyderabad) our hero needs to travel to Cochin. Why Cochin? Because the whole country is in danger of being affected by the corona virus and the only way to save the WHOLE country is to get to Cochin. How Cochin holds the key is part of the suspense!
Our hero's immediate task is to get to Delhi from Hyderabad. So he drives a car at breakneck speed. V1's henchmen chase him and throw bombs at his car. He catches a couple of the bombs and throws them back. Most of the bad guys are killed (in slow motion, as the bombs explode and their cars are hurled 50 feet into the air and slowly rotate as they fall down). But one of the bombs thrown by one of v1's henchmen explodes near our hero's car (in Nagpur - as one can make out from the "Nagpur Railway Station" board). The car is badly damaged and our hero is thrown out, injured but safe. He limps, to show he is injured. Now how does he get to Delhi? Read on...
A motorcyclist is conveniently urinating by the roadside, his bike parked nearby with the key. Our hero takes the bike. (This is how every hero in a Bollywood movie gets a bike. If it is the villain, he will knock down the rider and take the bike. There is no other method allowed.) Now our hero speeds towards Delhi on the bike, followed by two of v1's closest associates. Cross country, over the hills, across lakes and through towns and villages. The audience gets a Bharat darshan. Of course, there are many people who rush to safety every now and then, carts get overturned and a child stands helplessly in the way. Always one child only, crying. Our hero scoops up the child with one hand, carries him away to safety, slows down and hands him over to his distraught mother who blesses him. Armed with the mother's blessing, he continues.
One of the chasers shoots the tyre of the bike and our hero falls and rolls. This happens near Agra. The camera shows a glimpse of the Taj and a "Agra Nagarpalika aapka swagat karti hai" board. A horse cart, loaded with vegetables, is waiting for him, the farmer owner turned the other way and calling someone. Our hero takes off. He throws the vegetables one by one at the two villains. One falls down. The last fellow continues to give chase. The hero's cart hits a stone on the road and breaks. He jumps onto the horse. Now he makes full use of the 1HP vehicle. The harder he pulls on the stirrups, the faster the horse goes. As he reaches the Delhi airforce base, the poor horse collapses with a loud neigh. His feet are worn down to his knees. Our hero gets off the horse, caresses it, closes its eyes (yes, this is a must) and gives it a kiss. All this while the last villain is waiting patiently. He can attack only when the hero is ready and has his attention turned to him. But the death of the horse, enrages our hero. With a loud roar, he runs towards the villain and kicks him. The villain goes flying back to Hyderabad and his body lands next to v1's.
Now we reveal why the hero had to reach Delhi from Hyderabad to get to Cochin. Because the Prime minister and the Home minister are waiting for him there. He needs their blessings. The Air Force chief hands him a Rafale (yes, we have it by then and even if we do not have it, it doesn't matter. It is the hero's privilege).
Our hero now flies the Rafale jet to Cochin. He is chased by v2's brother in a helicopter who shoots at him with a pistol. After dodging the bullets all the way to Cochin, our hero fires a missile at the helicopter, thus finishing off all the villains. By now you must be dying to know why Cochin? Because the aam papad grains must be distributed all over India. The only way to do this is by mixing them with the clouds over Cochin and the south-west monsoon will carry them to all parts of the country (remember your school science?) But how does one convert an aam papad into grains? Simple. Our hero opens the cockpit and throws the aam papad up in the air. The he dives, does a loop-the-loop and fires a missile at the teeny-weeny bit of aam papad from a distance of 2 km. The explosion shatters the aam papad into micro bits and the clouds carry them away.
The next scene shows heavy rains in different parts of the country and the grateful citizens standing in the rain, wet and thanking the hero.
The last and closing scene shows our hero landing in Cochin and the heroine running into his arms. How she came to be in Cochin is none of your business and is worth another 3-hour movie.
Note: The hero can be named Raju, Vijay or Rahul. It should be a short name. Short enough for the villain to call out before dying - "Vijay... ". Can you imagine him saying "Krishna Prasada Venkatesa Gowriputra Ramachandra Chella Gowda?"
Do you think all this is bull....? Well, just click the links given below and read the news items.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theweek.in/news/entertainment/2020/03/17/corona-pyaar-hai-bollywood-producers-rush-to-register-coronavirus-titles.amp.html
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.indiatvnews.com/amp/entertainment/news/corona-pyaar-hai-to-deadly-corona-filmmakers-rush-to-register-corona-in-their-movie-titles-598577
Note: I own the full rights to this story and screenplay.
